A list of emotional triggers

I’m not sure about the order of everything on this list but I am sure that number 1, at the bottom, is the most significant song to ever touch my life. There’s a lot of love and more than a little sex mixed in here. Those two things are significant threads woven throughout my adult life. And, not surprisingly, I get them pretty mixed up most of the time. I don’t know where one begins and the other ends. As my oldest sister says “you just fall in love with any woman who comes along”. That may be true but, to me at least, it beats never falling in love at all. Anyway, here’s a list that will help you get to know the very confused, very passionate, loving soul, that is me.

10. The Muse — Zac Brown Band

This is a tribute to my last girlfriend. I will forever remember her “standing there in her underwear”. She’s the reason I write. It was a volatile relationship, from the very start. We were doomed from the beginning and I will always love her even as I try to stay as many miles away from her as possible.

9. Sharing the Night Together — Dr. Hook

This is how I hold in my heart every woman I’ve ever slept with. It’s not a long list but I cared (and still care) deeply for every single one of them. It wasn’t always the kind of love that makes for great sex, but when I hold someone through the night, there’s a bond that never quite gets completely severed.

8. Rocky Mountain High — John Denver

They aren’t the same mountains, but this is how I feel about the high country of my childhood home in the Adirondacks.

7. Little Jeannie — Elton John

Thirty-five years ago this song played on the radio of a little Subaru Brat I was driving on the return leg of a canoe trip. In the seat next to me was my very first real love. Her name was Virginia and everyone called her Jeanie. That short, intense relationship will forever be seared in my memory.

6. Castle on the Hill — Ed Sheeran

Nostalgia, for youth, for love long lost, for friendship. It’s all good and this song just brings back the very best of it all.

5. The Sound of Silence — Simon & Garfunkle

This song has always been right near the top of the list of my very favorite pieces of music. Ask anyone who knows me, I have darkness in my soul. But I also have silence and depth. If you want to know me and love me, you need to be able to weather it all. It’s worth the effort, I promise. Because I’m safe, strong and I love deeply.

4. 100 years — Five for Fighting

The impermanence of life writ large. I just love this song. From the moment I first heard it. Sometimes, when the darkness descends I just fire this one up and it puts everything into perspective.

3. A Thousand Years — Christina Perry

I believe in love everlasting. I also believe that we come here over and over again. And that we love some souls through it all. This is how I felt about my wife, the first day I met her, the last day she lived, and how I still feel today.

2. Crash Into Me — Dave Matthews Band

One of the last events I took my wife to was a Dave Matthews concert. She was a big fan, of the band and of this song in particular. She was the sexiest woman I’ve ever known (and I’ve known a couple of very sexy women). This song reminds me of the boyish sort of horniness I always felt just watching her move.

  1. Free — Zac Brown Band

I feel guilt when I hear this song. I first heard it soon after my wife passed away. The three-year wasting away of her physical presence had just come to an end and as I walked out into the garage this song came on over the radio. I felt like I’d been given wings. The emotional dichotomy isn’t lost on me but I comfort myself in the truth that I know my wife would approve of the sentiment expressed in these words.

Thank you for reading and listening as I took a little stroll through the caverns of my soul.

Written by

father, motorcyclist, old retired guy who’s just a little lost on a blue marble corkscrewing its way to oblivion

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