“And you add a different angle: if you are the guy that has confidence, what do you DO with it?”

You do whatever you want to do with it. That kind of confidence runs through everything in life.

I bought a motorcycle at 19, without ever having ridden one before.
I picked up a few books and taught myself half a dozen computer programming languages, ’cause that stuff looked cool.
I’ve built lots of different things, woodworking, metalworking. I restored an old jeep. If something interests me, I do it.
I’ve never looked at something and said “I can’t do that”. I often say “do I really WANT to do that?” knowing that it’s a significant investment of time and/or money or, in the case of a relationship, emotional capital.

Now I’m not the best looking guy in the world. I’m tall, 6' 1" (women like that), big and muscular at 235 lbs (some like that, lots don’t). I’m bald and on first glance, people take me for ex-military. I’m actually a big teddy bear, very liberal in my political views and absolutely anti-violence. The really stunning women don’t even glance twice at me. And that’s okay because they usually don’t interest me anyway.

I go for the nerdy women because I’m just a big nerd myself. I don’t do casual sex because, well, if I can’t talk to you, why would I sleep with you? Again, there’s emotional capital on the line. I need connection for relationship and casual sex isn’t worth the cost. I will, however, walk up to almost anyone, anywhere and strike up a conversation. I’m not hitting on them, I’m just interested in conversation. I’ve been asked more than once if I was married, women just assume I’m trying to pick them up. I’ve never left a bar with someone I barely knew. I talk to women like they’re people (because they are and because I grew up with five sisters and no brothers). I don’t act like a typical man because I’ve never been a typical man. I’m a feminist because women have always been a bigger influence on my life than men.

What do I do with my confidence? Pretty much anything I want to. Nobody ever told me I couldn’t do something. So I always figured I could if I wanted to. And I turned out to be right. If you want to do something you do it. And you can do whatever you believe you can do. You can have a conversation with anyone, man or woman, and walk away with them thinking “there’s something about that guy I like”. And it’s true because everyone likes a person who is comfortable in their own skin. I’m always authentically me. And I always have been.

Confidence is an inside job (that sounds like a Medium post in and of itself).

Written by

father, motorcyclist, old retired guy who’s just a little lost on a blue marble corkscrewing its way to oblivion

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