I’ve spent most of the ten years since my wife passed away in the same state. My wife wanted children. I was mostly ambivalent about it but I was willing to do anything she wanted because she meant that much to me. I doubt I’d still be here if it weren’t for these kids. They became my full responsibility when she died. They are also all I have left of her. These days my questions are more like wonder that she provided the solution to losing her long before I’d ever even considered the possibility.
I think the ways of (God, the universe, creation, whatever you want to call it) are mysterious and a bit beyond our ability to understand. Something that may look selfish at one point in history (and from one certain point of view) may well be the answer to a very big problem just a couple decades down the road. I don’t have the answers but I kinda think things eventually work out just the way they’re supposed to. Then again, I’ve cultivated a rather spiritual approach to life and in the end I’m not entirely convinced any of what happens here really matters in the grand scheme of things anyway.