Change the context
People don’t leave us because they don’t love us anymore. It’s because they love us that they leave. They don’t die on us. They die for us. They leave us to spare us the pain of not being able to return the love we offer. We may not recognize it. They may not themselves. But that’s what happens. Nobody who is truly in love will leave unless there is some unmet need deep within their soul. That need is their challenge to come to grips with, it’s not about us. And that’s perhaps the most difficult lesson to learn. Most people don’t hurt others on purpose. They do what they need to do to satisfy their own emotional needs. Sometimes, they don’t even know what that need is. There are forces at work that we don’t understand. But, we take everything that happens personally. Because we’re human and in the end, it’s all about us. Even when we think it’s not.
Relationships end because it’s time to graduate. We’re not supposed to hold on to people. Or to things. We touch them, briefly (whether it be moments or years) but we are supposed to let them all go. Let the kids grow up. Let the parents slip gently into the night. Release with love. And watch how your view of the loss changes. This life is a lesson in impermanence. Cherish the time you have with those you love. It never lasts as long as you think it will.
I struggle with endings. I always have. I still love my very first “real” girlfriend. I’ll never stop loving my wife, although she’s been dead for almost nine years. I didn’t “get over” my last serious relationship. I never will. I don’t think I should. A recent friend told me “apathy is the first step to healing”. I’m not apathetic to anyone I’ve lost. In fact, I feel pain for everyone I’ve lost or hurt myself. Apathy is a cold, hard place. I don’t want to ever live in that space. Apathy is a dead end. An empty existence. I’ll take the pain and loss. It means I’m alive. I refuse to become a rock in stony silence to the suffering and pain of those I’ve loved, whether I’ve hurt them or they’ve hurt me. Being human means I FEEL. It may well be pain, loss, grief or love. It’s all worth the cost because I get to experience life. And THAT is worth whatever the price.
Thank you for reading.