More than one I’m afraid. The first came when my wife got sick. I got a very serious wake up call. Especially when she died.

See, up until she got sick, I loved my job. I got lots of satisfaction out of life. I was raising four great kids. Then she became terminally ill, so the next three years were spent trying to figure out how I was going to live without her. Can’t say as I really figured it out.

I just sort of bumbled along and survived. I had four kids to get through college (or whatever they decided to do, I wasn’t much help when it came to giving them direction at this time). I lost all passion for my job but we’d already lost half the family income.

I didn’t know what to do. When the opportunity came up to get into a relationship, I took it. It provided a familiar place to nurse my wounds. But it failed after a few years and I almost immediately entered another. That one failed a little over three months ago. I could see myself drifting away. I loved her, but I didn’t love the idea of the future she was offering.

So here I sit. Ten weeks into my daily exercise routine. I pretty much quit drinking altogether. I eat like a monk (and I really, really like my boring, every day the same thing, diet). I work only as much as I need to, remarkably, I seem to get more done. I’m going minimalist because I feel these things weighing me down. The only things I’ll keep are the things that I truly value. I went on one date and realized that I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship right now.

I’m planning on retiring early in a little over a year. I’m excited about a couple of different things. Travel, writing, casting off with pretty much no plan in mind. And for the first time since my wife got sick, I’m feeling some peace and excitement about being alive.

So I think I might still be having my latest mid-life awakening.

Written by

father, motorcyclist, old retired guy who’s just a little lost on a blue marble corkscrewing its way to oblivion

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