Spot on, for most of this.
Especially the over-hyped "defund the police" bullshit. That just angers most of the fearful white half of the country. They may even believe police reform is necessary.
But shutting down police departments?
Yes, that's what they hear. 'Cause that's what you're saying. Not that we need reform. They're not deep, nuanced thinkers.
They also hear "Black lives matter" as "only black lives matter". Because, as you said, they're selfish and only think of themselves.
I would have pressed for at least "Black Lives Matter Too" right from the beginning. But nobody asked me (nor should they have to, but they should think first). Making enemies of people that would be your friends if they weren't already so scared of you is not a path to success.
I get it. The left is frustrated. I'm one of them. But the louder you yell and the more you press, the deeper the heels get dug in.
That anger just convinces the right that if they lose power, they will receive what they've been dishing out for 400 years. And they are TERRIFIED of that possibility. Because it's exactly what they would do under the same circumstances.