Slipping into some understanding
Last Thursday was therapy day. A once a month emotional deep dive into my psyche. I keep going because I’ve come to enjoy the conversation. I actually think I’ve got a pretty good handle on my sanity (I know, all the crazy ones say that). Anyhow, now that a certain someone is no longer involved in my life, I’m somewhere closer to sane. Sometimes you have to lose to win. Nevertheless, I like my therapist. Every now and again she offers up a little nugget that shines a light into some dark moldy recess of my soul.
The little mushroom we approached today took me by surprise. I paraphrase here but roughly speaking she said: “It’s as if Medium has become your new relationship. Something of a symbiotic arrangement, with all the excitement and engagement that starting a new relationship entails.” And she continued on by saying that I need to be careful to stay grounded and connected to the other important things in my life. I told her I rode my motorcycle into town for therapy today. That’s a good solid connection to the important stuff (I’m not being entirely facetious here).
But yea, I think she kinda hit the nail on the head. The one caveat being that I get to control all aspects of this relationship. I don’t have the need to please some other human. Therefore, I don’t mold myself into the person I think they want (which, let’s be honest here, is exactly what I’ve done in my last two
catastrophic amorous adventures). I give here, only what I want to give and I take only what I need. There’s an energy here that feeds me. Even as I offer up the wisdom of my tenure on this rock, I receive back both the enthusiastic perceptions of the young and the sage words of my elders.
I think I’m becoming one of those elders. My purpose here seems to have evolved into that of “revealer of emotions”. As one who has mostly held everything in and suffered because of it, I now reveal the depths to which that particular rabbit hole can take you. I hope my words help others when the Universe decides it’s time for them to hear.
Thank you for your time.